dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
