I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
