is your mom at the bar?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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