He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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