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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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