I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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