Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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