I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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