didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
