I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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