So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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