marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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