Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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