If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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