I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
