no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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