He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize