Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
