I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
