textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize