Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
