my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
