i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
