I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
