why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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