john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
