It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
