Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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