Only a mothe r could love this liver
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
