I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
