It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
false alarm. still invincible.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize