So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
