i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
