question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
