Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
