We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize