I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
