with your own penis?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
