I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
