You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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