so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
