is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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