I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
