Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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