do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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