I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just high enough for therapy.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
