Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
