And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
