she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
