woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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