the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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