I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
