I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
