Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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