Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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