just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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