I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
