Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
