Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize