then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
