OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How naked do you want me to be?
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