nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
