Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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