I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
