I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
