If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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