so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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