Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
