Im at strip club and am horny
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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