My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
