we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
