Who wears a wallet chain?!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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