I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
