I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize