Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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