we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
